Untitled Madness
by Booger and Co
Summary: A story filled with lots of random wackiness. Ch. 1: Knives, Joan of Arc, a love-struck Sirius, and a purple Potter.


Disclaimer:  ~This is yet another story in which we only own a few characters, Andromeda, Sorcia(sore-sha) and Anastasia.  Later  we own Professor Laymen.  Who is not modeled after our psycho Chemistry teacher.  Oh by the bye don't hate us for our view of Sirius in this story.  Remember he is in fourth year.

*Ms. Rowling owns most of the characters you recognize.  I own Andromeda, Batty owns Sorcia, and Kimi the hot goddess of Harry Potter owns Anastasia (she helped us write this story).  We do not own Athena and Joan of Arc, we just borrowed them, along with the Shakespeare quotes and the Buffy references.  Without further ado, here's the insanity.  Remember to review.

The (So Far) Untitled Random Insanity 

Chapter One:  But Soft, What Light From Yonder Window Breaks

            "Hey, Potter! POTTER!"

            "Bye Mom. Bye Dad.  See you later," James Potter hurriedly said to his parents.  Then he raced off to where his friend Sirius Black was calling and waving frantically.  "Hi Sirius," he called as he ran up.  "Glad to be back?"

            "You bet," Sirius said.  "Three weeks?  In Italy?  With my parents?  And you think I'm not glad to be back?"

            "Hey, the Italian Alps are supposed to be beautiful," James said.

            "Nothing's beautiful when you're with my parents," Sirius complained.  "But enough of that.  We're free of parents for a whole year!"

            "Yeah, we get teachers instead."

            "Hey, who cares about them?  We're free!  Free of parents!"

            "You're a strange person, Sirius.  At the end of last year you were shouting, 'Free of teachers!'"

            "That was then.  This is now.  Hey!"  His eyes suddenly lit up.  "Fourth year!  Best year ever!  Yes!" he shouted and ran towards the train.  James hurried to catch up.

            "Just how much sugar have you had today, Sirius?"  James panted.

            "I don't know, I lost track.  Come on, let's go find seats."  The two of them headed onto the train and almost immediately bumped into a pair of girls.

            "Sorry!"  Sirius called.  Then he saw who he had bumped into.  "Oh, it's you."

            "Go away before I hit you," said the short one menacingly, pushing dark hair out of her face.  

            "C'mon, James.  Let's get away from these weirdos," Sirius started pulling his friend away.

            "And good riddance! We don't like you either," the short one called again.

            "The moon tells me you're idiots," said the other one dreamily.  They had never been able to figure out if she actually thought the moon talked to her, or if she was just pretending.  Either way, she was crazy.  Both girls were.

            "There must be an empty compartment here somewhere," Sirius said, peeking into every compartment they came to.

            "Hopefully far away from those creepy Slytherin girls," James muttered. 

            "Hello, what's this?" Sirius obviously wasn't listening.  He went into a compartment, James trailing after him.  This particular compartment only had one occupant, a girl they had never seen before although she looked about their age.  She was sitting quietly by the window, but turned to look at them as they entered.  Her wavy blond hair was punctuated with streaks of cobalt blue.  She stared at them with wide blue eyes. 

            "Hi!  Who are you?" Sirius asked brightly.  James groaned.

            "I'm Andromeda," the girl responded.

            "Hey!  We both have star names!  I'm Sirius."

            "Andromeda is a galaxy, not a star," Andromeda said innocently.

            "Uh, what happened to your hair?" James asked.

            "Oh, that?" she giggled.  "Sophie told me to dye it."

            "And you just do what this Sophie tells you to?" Sirius asked.

            "Well, of course," Andromeda explained.  "There's no telling what Sophie would do if she got mad."

            "Who, exactly, is Sophie?" James asked.

            "One of the voices in my head," Andromeda replied as if explaining the obvious.

            "Ooookay," James said.  "We'll just be going now."  He backed out of the compartment, pulling Sirius by the back of his shirt and closing the door firmly behind them.

            "Hey!" Sirius said indignantly.  "I think she likes me."

            "I think she's crazy!" James exclaimed.  "She has blue streaks in her hair, Sirius!"

            "They emphasize her eyes."

            "And she has voices in her head!"

            "I'm sure it's just a metaphor."

            "Come on, Sirius, we're sitting somewhere else."  

Inside the compartment Andromeda smirked.  Just then the door opened again, and the two "creepy Slytherin girls" walked in.  They sat down without a second glance at Andromeda, who didn't need a second glance to start talking.

"Hi!  I'm Andromeda.  Who're you?"

The shorter one looked at her for a minute.  "Sorcia," she said finally.

"I'm Anastasia," the other one said.  "The moon likes you."

"Really?  You can talk to the moon?  That's so cool!" Andromeda said.  "I just have voices in my head.  And Kate, of course."

"Who's Kate?" Sorcia asked.

Andromeda took out a small pocketknife.  "Touch her and you die," she promised.

"I think I'm going to like you."  Sorcia said.

The door opened again.  Sirius came back in, this time with all his three friends in tow.

Sorcia glared.  "What are you dorks doing here?"

Anastasia began wailing and holding her head.  "The moon doesn't like you," she moaned.

"Yeah, whatever," James said.  "Come on Sirius, let's leave."  Sirius made no move to go.  "Sirius, come," James ordered.  

"Is this the new crazy freak you wanted us to meet, Sirius?" Remus asked.

"She's not a freak, she's beautiful!" Sirius protested.

"Well, d-d-demons a-always a-are b-beautiful, S-Sirius." Added Peter.

"Damn straight!"  Sorcia exclaimed.

"That's right we are," added Andromeda.  James looked at them and dragged Sirius out by the back of his shirt, the other followed.

"B-Bye P-Peter," said Anastasia

"Who were those people?" Andromeda asked.

"Stupid Sirius, James the Jerk, Remus the Rat-face (no offense to rats), and Porky Peter," Sorcia told her.

"I take it you don't like them."

"Grrrrr!" Sorcia growled.  She got up and smashed the window.

"Good, I don't either," said Andromeda calmly.

"Reparo," said Anastasia, tapping the window, which put itself back together.  "The moon tells me that Sirius is wearing green boxers."

"Oooh, let's pants him!" Sorcia clapped her hands together.

"Ewwww, Sirius without his pants?" Andromeda said.

"Well, I bet he'd take them off for you if you asked," Sorcia snickered.  Andromeda shuddered.

"If he shows up here one more time, I'll…I'll…well, I'll do something nasty to him," Andromeda said.

"Where did you come from, Andromeda?" Anastasia asked.  "I don't believe I've seen you before."

"No, I was at Beauxbatons last year," Andromeda replied.

"Why did you leave?" Sorcia asked.

"Depends on who you ask," Andromeda answered.  "My mom'll tell you I transferred.  The headmistress of Beauxbatons will say she kicked me out, and good riddance."

"Yeah?  And what do you say?" Sorcia asked.

"I say it's a good thing she kicked me out, because I couldn't stand another minute of those stuck-up know-it-all idiots, and if I hadn't been kicked out I would have left anyway.  Those stupide imbiciels!"  By this time she was shouting.

"Ooh, you speak French," Anastasia said.  

"Of course I do," Andromeda muttered.  "Mostly insults."

"I don't speak any other languages," Anastasia said.  "I only understand what the moon and the wind say."

"That's much cooler than French," Andromeda said.

"Why were you kicked out?" Sorcia wanted to know.

"Well, the other girls in my year were afraid of me.  Actually, most people are afraid of me.  Just because Sophie insulted them— "

"Sophie?"

"One of the voices in my head.  Just because she insulted them, and maybe threatened them with Kate a few times, and then Joan told me to burn down the school—"

"Joan? Another voice?" 

"Yes, Joan of Arc.  She has a, um, thing for fire.  She told me I should burn the school down, so I set the Charms room on fire.  The headmistress didn't like me much, and she thought I was insane, except I was doing well in all of my classes and anyone who does well at school can't be insane in her book.  So she kicked me out.  Thank God!" Andromeda finished.

There was a pause.  "Wow," said Sorcia.

Anastasia looked interested.  "Does Joan of Arc really live in your head?" she asked.

"Yes.  Along with Athena – the goddess of wisdom, I don't hear from her much -- Sophie, Calvin, and Trent."

"Ewww, guys live in your mind?" Sorcia asked.

"Just Calvin."

"But Trent—" Sorcia frowned.

"Trent's a girl," Andromeda said.

Sorcia shrugged.  "Okay."

"So why are those losers so scared of you?" Andromeda asked, gesturing to where James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had disappeared to.

"Oh, they think I'm crazy because the moon talks to me," Anastasia said.  "And Sorcia beat them up a few too many times.  They can't stand being beaten up by a girl who's a foot shorter than them.  Oh, and Mr. Pointy has something to do with it."

"Mr. Pointy?" Andromeda asked.  Anastasia reached down and pulled out a long, elegant knife.  A wide, somewhat evil grin appeared on Andromeda's face.

"Don't forget Griffin," Sorcia said.

"Who's Griffin?" Andromeda asked.  

"My broadsword," Sorcia replied.  "I won't take it out of the trunk now, but it's—"

At that moment the compartment door opened again.  Sirius walked in, followed by his friends.

"Well, look what's back," Sorcia said.

"You'd think they'd have learned their lesson by now," Andromeda said.  James scowled.

"I learned just fine, thank you," he said.  "It was this idiot."  He pointed to Sirius.

"Andromeda, I'd like to talk to you," Sirius said.  He walked over and took her hands.  

Sorcia glared at James.  "Out," she said.

"But I—but—" he protested halfheartedly, glancing at Sirius.

Andromeda freed one hand and pulled out her wand.  "What do you think?" she asked Anastasia, pointing the wand at Sirius.  "Should I turn him blue or purple?"

"He probably wouldn't notice," Anastasia said disgustedly.

"Andromeda—" Sirius tried again.

"Yeah, you're right," Andromeda sighed.  "Okay then."  She pointed the wand at James and muttered something.  A moment later he turned a deep, lovely shade of purple.  Andromeda smirked.  Everyone else burst out laughing, except James, who looked horrified.  

Sorcia stopped glaring at James.  "A purple Potter!" she crowed.  "I love it!"

"That's it, we're out of here," James muttered.  He grabbed Sirius and dragged him out, followed by Remus and Peter, who were still snickering at James's purple state.

"And don't come back, or I'll turn you bright pink!" Andromeda shouted after them.  She closed the compartment door and sat down.  "Now we just have to think of something nasty to do to Sirius," she said.

"I think I have an idea…" Sorcia said. 

To be continued.  Reviewing will make all of us very happy.  Please?


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